Miss-ogyny

This blog is in its infancy, and obviously anyone reading at home at this stage isn’t going to have a clear idea of my values, or the things that get me fired up. In my offline life, I am both introspective and vocal about my small handful of deeply held beliefs, and I have no intention of being less so here. So let’s just get this out of the way:

I am a feminist.

I am not a misandrist.

If you don’t know the difference between those two things, let me gift you some knowledge here today, free of fucking charge. A feminist believes that simply being female shouldn’t negatively affect your chances in life. A misandrist hates men. See the difference? (Quick facts, “misandry” is the counterpart to “misogyny”, the hatred of women.) This isn’t “po-tay-to/po-tah-to” here, people, this is “po-tay-to/ham-fucking-sandwich”. Some of the most vocal feminists I know are card-carrying members of the male persuasion, and (guttingly) some of the most brutal misogynists I know are women.

Which brings us to my early morning vent today.

Back in about Grade 9, I babysat a little girl one or two nights a week. Fast forward to a couple of years ago, and she finds me on Facebook, we start following each other on Instagram, she’s grown into this amazing, vibrant young woman. In the last couple of months I’ve watched her finding her feet with online feminism so to speak, actively commenting on and liking many of the same posts that I read. So this morning, when she shared an image with an “I need feminism because-” message, I felt proud of her. It is a big step to begin putting your name to things that can be polarizing, no matter the subject.

I doubt very much that she expected the only negative comment to come from a close female friend. A friend who, I quote, “is way less scared of men than of judgmental bitches like [her]”. I nearly spat out my coffee, caught up in the full grip of protective rage.

Because this is the side of the fight that no one preps you for. It can be gutting, realizing that literally being a fellow woman does not mean you are on the same side of this. It is the disbelief that I feel in watching female Trump supporters dribble bullshit about how a woman shouldn’t be President because her hormones would undoubtedly make her do something crazy, while backing a person who casually talks about both sexual assault and the use of nukes. Or in the women who picket abortion clinics while simultaneously fighting against sex education and birth control for their daughters. I wish I could say it boggled my mind, but the truth is that misogyny is easy. It welcomes women with open arms and the promise that being “one of the boys” is the key to not being an aggressive, unattractive bitch-that-just-needs-the-D like most feminists, amiright? Well, news flash Miss-ogynists (see what I did there?). You’re not one of the boys. You’re just one of the total assholes who has yet to realize what feminism has already done for her.

I’m running late for work now because getting this out took longer than I expected. But it’s so important to have each other’s backs. Especially when dealing with backlash from people who should be your allies. I sent my girl a message already this morning with a little pep-talk and some serious girl-boss vibes, and I’m going to try to do the same for at least a couple of the other bad-ass bitches in my life today. And I’ll leave a little message here as well.

Back each other. No one is brave or strong or resilient every moment of every day.

Take no bullshit. You don’t owe anyone jack when it comes to compromising your values.

Be your awesome fucking self. ‘Nuff said.

Processed with VSCO
Chuck on some Docs and Shit-Kick the Patriarchy

xx

Miss Guts

 

7 thoughts on “Miss-ogyny

  1. “I am a feminist. I am not a misandrist.

    Funny how the two terms often appear together, although ‘misandry’ isn’t really a thing. 🙂 There is no hatred of men on a systemic level, unlike what women face from the likes of misogyny.

    “It can be gutting, realizing that literally being a fellow woman does not mean you are on the same side of this. “

    The patriarchy serves up many different flavours of shit-sandwich. Some women strike their patriarchal bargain at a different point that we do. The patriarchy insidiously divides women, as a class with no historical memory or class consciousness cannot effectively change society.

    “Take no bullshit. You don’t owe anyone jack when it comes to compromising your values.”

    Excellent advice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the thoughts 🙂 I especially agree with the idea of “striking a patriarchal bargain”, it’s a very fair description.
      I would counter that being systemic is not a requirement for something to be real though. At its heart, misogyny is still a choice by the individual, regardless of social grooming. Misandry is, on the individual level, the same, just a simple, irrational hatred like any other form of bigotry. There is no part of being a feminist that equates to hating men as human beings, but I know too many women who have this over-simplified but pleasantly easy mindset, and genuinely act like the two concepts are one and the same.
      Blanket-blaming a gender (ours) is literally a core part of what we as feminists are fighting against, and the hypocrisy of having a faction among us with irrational anger like that isn’t progressing the movement any more than the women striking that early bargain we discussed.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. @Hellomissguts

        “I would counter that being systemic is not a requirement for something to be real though.”

        I agree with you there. I think I was being vague in my how I defined the term, sorry about that that. Most of the time, when I hear the term ‘misandry’ it is being used by dudes, blind to their privileged status in society, as they beak on about how they might have to give up a tiny bit of their advantage, and start treating women as fully human.

        I find the misogyny/misandry terminology misleading, a false equivalence if you will, because one has societal norms on its side, and one does not. Men have the power to enforce misogyny in society – see the upcoming US genitalia grabber in chief – while women have no such equivalence.

        “There is no part of being a feminist that equates to hating men as human beings, but I know too many women who have this over-simplified but pleasantly easy mindset, and genuinely act like the two concepts are one and the same.”

        Agreed. But disliking how men act as a class should definitely be on the table. How else does one blame the patriarchy? 🙂

        “a faction among us with irrational anger like that isn’t progressing the movement any more”

        At the risk of sounding doctrinaire –

        Naming the problem (the oppression of women by men) is considered by many radical feminists to be a key part of the process of liberating women from the patriarchal structures of society. If some dudes feelings get hurt because of class based analysis, so be it. They can #notallmen themselves back to happiness. Challenging the status-quo is a necessary part of the process of female liberation and there isn’t a nice way dismantling patriarchy and this it is stressful process for all those involved, unfortunately. :/

        Anyhow, welcome to wordpress and what not, hope to see more of your writing soon. :>

        Liked by 1 person

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